No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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