he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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