We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
