i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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