Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
