Texts From Last Night

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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.

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  (405): I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account. http://tfl.nu/7g5v
  Replies (21) Good night (1213) Bad night (568)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more

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  (703): Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more http://tfl.nu/zuqw
  Replies (204) Good night (118127) Bad night (3617)
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  (619): View more from California

  I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.

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  (619): I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me. http://tfl.nu/huad
  Replies (15) Good night (2539) Bad night (776)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.

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  (503): It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn. http://tfl.nu/grez
  Replies (32) Good night (590) Bad night (3332)
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  (845): View more from New York

  Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier

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  (845): Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier http://tfl.nu/ue73
  Replies (33) Good night (602) Bad night (8283)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life

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  (847): just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life http://tfl.nu/dyz8
  Replies (8) Good night (2736) Bad night (882)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.

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  (541): To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever. http://tfl.nu/9nwk
  Replies (7) Good night (923) Bad night (3336)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.

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  (203): Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs. http://tfl.nu/c91r
  Replies (26) Good night (985) Bad night (2983)
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  (283): View more from Ohio

  by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?

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  (283): by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours? http://tfl.nu/2a7f
  Replies (6) Good night (1923) Bad night (701)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.

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  (517): She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free. http://tfl.nu/s0d6
  Replies (1) Good night (958) Bad night (436)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.

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  (720): Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong. http://tfl.nu/slbv
  Replies (12) Good night (1036) Bad night (619)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.

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  (256): Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter. http://tfl.nu/bkut
  Replies (13) Good night (707) Bad night (453)
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  (516): View more from New York

  She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.

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  (516): She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location. http://tfl.nu/ak9e
  Replies (8) Good night (1247) Bad night (612)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer

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  (405): And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer http://tfl.nu/voyh
  Replies (4) Good night (534) Bad night (462)
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  (530): View more from California

  I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "

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  (530): I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. " http://tfl.nu/24zo
  Replies (5) Good night (627) Bad night (239)

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