Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(910): View more from North Carolina

too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(619): View more from California

i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die

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(313): View more from Michigan

We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us

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(619): View more from California

Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped

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