So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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