I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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