The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Randomize