My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize