we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
