I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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