I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
