so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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