I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
