that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
The Olympian is in my bed
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
