nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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