I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
