I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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