Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
