I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
