Where did you get a picture of my penis
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
