I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
