btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
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My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
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Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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