Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
