If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
are you so shy because you have an std?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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