are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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