Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I feel like death gave me a hand job
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
