I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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