He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
