I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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