i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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