Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
