Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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