I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
