I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
