How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
