I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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