next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
