Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
time to smoke my breakfast
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
