can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
