I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
