I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Another day, another engagement, another cat
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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