i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
