Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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