i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize