turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
