I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
