I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
