i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
