my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
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Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
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Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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