nut hugger
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
