I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
