I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
