Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
