Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
