OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
