oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
