I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
