my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
