sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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