this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
