Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
