i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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