Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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