so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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