The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
