he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
