He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
