SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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