I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
