no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
