woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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