My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I want to make a zoo with you.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
