True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
