Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
