How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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