she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
